Because sometimes, you just have to scream out

I watched this video a few nights ago and cried my self into a headache. This kid, Jonah, was eight kinds of brave in posting this. I think for him he felt compelled. Sometimes it just gets so big you have to scream. Tell someone. Do something. This is what he did. It's heart wrenching, beautiful, poignant and so important. If you haven't seen this yet, watch it.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdkNn3Ei-Lg&w=480&h=360]

 

I watched it again the following night, and then again the next night. Then I noticed that people were making there own videos and posting them for Jonah. I watched a ton. And I cried with each of them. This reply stood out to me the most.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jfuSrTqWJI&w=480&h=360]

 

In school when I saw someone being made fun of, bullied, I stopped it. Didn't matter if I knew the victim. It was just wrong. By my Junior year all I had to do was walk into a room and they'd stop, cough or pretend to read something, and then leave the kid alone. There were kids who made fun of the handicapped kids. That broke my heart every time I saw it happen and I'd walk the kid away from the bullies and back to the classroom where they'd be safe. I was never sure if they knew what the other kids were saying exactly and doing to them, but I do know that every time they saw me walk down the hall they'd yell my name with excitement. They knew I was a friend. The handicapped kids. At first I thought it was because I worked with the Special Olympics every year but one of the teachers said it was because I stood up for them and helped them. And the work I did with them. Heh.

The thought that anyone could feel the way I felt at home got to me. I didn't want to see that happen. I felt small. Unwanted. A nobody. Nothing special, never would be. Ugly. Forgettable. Stupid. I tried SO. VERY. HARD to get help for us but no one would. So when I saw it happen to someone else, I had to do something to stop it. There I *could* do something. Least, I thought I could. It's a big problem, so much bigger than one teenager can handle.

That's why this outpouring of folks replying to Jonah with their video messages of support, telling him they get it and they know it gets better, ... it gets me. I want to see this continue. No. I want to see this explode. I want to see this spread like a fast traveling virus. I want everyone to see Jonah's video. And the replies. I want people to know they aren't alone. My mom and stepdad told me all the time that I was ugly, stupid and I'd never get anyone to love me. I wasn't like my sister, the beauty queen, that she'd find her Mr. Right and I wouldn't.

I've been married over 21 years now to the same guy, the love of my life. We have four beautiful kids, a grandkid on the way. Life is never easy but we've done it and are still doing it. My brother and sister are still looking. They've never had what I have. I wish they did. I wish they do. However you say that. From the bottom of my heart I do. But my point is that Mom and Wayne were wrong. I heard it so much that I often went to sleep at night wondering 'what if they're right?' I'm no beauty queen, far from it. I'm not a brainiac. I haven't achieved a wall full of plaques to showcase my great accomplishments.

I did find the other half of me, though. And he loves me. At the end of the day that's all that matters.

When someone singles you out and others join in to mock you, belittle you ... it's crushing. At times it's too crushing. Jonah may not realize just how brave he was and how important his video is, and will be for some time, but I see it. I was too afraid to tell anyone about what was happening to me. Maybe that's why I couldn't get anyone to help us. I told what was happening to my brother and sister. I was afraid if I told anyone what was happening to me, especially the things they said about me, then other people would see me the same way, they'd know what a horrible mistake I was, how I ruined my mom's life. I wasn't brave enough to stand up in the face of that. I'm glad Jonah was and I hope the floodgates fly off their hinges and more follow in his footsteps.

Because sometimes, you just have to scream out.